For most couples, no. Research consistently finds that couples who attend therapy improve on average, while couples who wait without help generally don't [1, 2]. Therapy can feel harder for a while, because you start talking about things you've avoided. That's not the same as making your relationship worse.
"We heard therapy only makes things worse"
Many couples wait a long time before reaching out. Sometimes it's cost or busy lives. Often it's something they've heard from a friend or read online: that couples therapy only makes things worse.
It's a fair worry, and you deserve an honest answer.
What does the research say?
Couples therapy has been studied for decades, and the overall picture is encouraging. A 2020 review of 58 studies found that couples in therapy reported large improvements in how satisfied they felt in their relationship, while couples on waiting lists (the ‘control’ group in the study, representing not receiving any treatment) didn't improve on their own [1]. Couples in therapy also showed better communication and felt emotionally closer [1].
Reviews of the research find that most distressed couples, up to 80%, benefit from couples therapy [3]. On average, a person who has couples therapy is better off at the end than 70 to 80% of people who don't, a rate that matches or exceeds the most effective treatments for individual mental health conditions [2].
Every relationship is different, but couples therapy is a well-researched option, not a gamble [2, 3].
Why it can feel harder before it feels easier
Therapy makes space to talk about things you may have avoided for a long time, and that can stir up strong feelings at first. It makes sense that this may feel uncomfortable - often it is avoidance of difficult conversations that has allowed things to build up in the first place - so talking openly about how you each feel might be quite alien at first, and feel uncomfortable. That's a normal part of the process, not a sign it's failing. Part of your therapist's role is to keep those conversations safe, paced and constructive, so you're supported in making progress.
Feeling stirred up after a session is different from feelings stirred up by your relationship getting worse. (If something doesn't feel right, tell your therapist. Adjusting the pace is part of the work!)
Is it better to wait and see?
Waiting rarely fixes things on its own. In the research, couples on waiting lists generally didn't improve without help [1]. Meanwhile, ongoing relationship distress can take a toll on both partners' mental and physical health, and on children too [2].
In our experience, patterns like criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal tend to become more entrenched the longer they go on. Getting support earlier can mean less time living with that distress, and less hurt to repair.
If things already feel very hard, that's not a reason to stay away. Research shows couples who start therapy feeling very distressed often make the largest gains [1], due to starting from alower baseline. The relief in these couples can be palpable and they tend to be highly motivated to pick up and practice new skills. So, it's never too late to start, and you don't need to wait until things are bad.
You don't need to be in crisis to come in. You also don't need to have decided whether you want to stay together or to separate. You just need to have decided that you want things to feel better than they do now.
What "success" can look like
Success in couples therapy isn't only about ‘staying together’. For some couples it means arguing less and repairing faster. For others it means feeling understood again, setting clearer boundaries, or making a considered, respectful decision about the future. We'll work with you on what matters to you both.
Research shows gains are generally maintained after therapy ends [1], and we focus on skills you can keep using long after your last session. The aim is for you not to need us long term. As we like to say, our job is to make ourselves redundant.
How we begin
We start with a joint session with both of you. This gives you a chance to meet us together, ask questions, and get a feel for how we work and what we value. It can also ease the worry of "What is my partner saying about me to this therapist I hardly know?", because you've both met us and started from the same place.
After that, we meet with each of you individually as part of a thorough Gottman assessment. These sessions help us understand each person's perspective and history, and they give each of you a private space to raise anything that's hard to say in front of your partner.
Your safety comes first
Couples therapy isn't the right fit for every situation, particularly where one partner feels afraid, controlled or unsafe. That's one reason the individual sessions matter [4, 5]. If joint sessions aren't the safest or most helpful option, we'll talk with you about other forms of support.
If you're worried about your safety right now, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day. For crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000. (Please note, Lighthouse Relationships is not a crisis service).
Taking the first step
Reaching out can feel like a big step. You're welcome to contact us with questions before you book, and we're happy to talk through what to expect so you can decide what feels right for you.
Book online or read our FAQs & Fees.
References
Roddy, M. K., Walsh, L. M., Rothman, K., Hatch, S. G., & Doss, B. D. (2020). Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 88(7), 583-596. PubMed
Lebow, J., & Snyder, D. K. (2022). Couple therapy in the 2020s: Current status and emerging developments. Family Process, 61(4), 1359-1385. Full text
Carr, A. (2025). Couple therapy and systemic interventions for adult-focused problems: The evidence base. Journal of Family Therapy, 47(1), e12481. DOI
Karakurt, G., Whiting, K., van Esch, C., Bolen, S. D., & Calabrese, J. R. (2016). Couple therapy for intimate partner violence: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 42(4), 567-583. Full text
Keilholtz, B. M., & Spencer, C. M. (2022). Couples therapy and intimate partner violence: Considerations, assessment, and treatment modalities. Practice Innovations, 7(2), 124-137. DOI