Money and Marriage: How Marriage Counselling Can Ease Financial Tensions
You Love Your Partner, but Money Is Tearing You Apart: How Marriage Counselling Can Help
Why Money Is So Emotionally Charged in Relationships
One of you likes to spend, one likes to save - or maybe both like to spend, but very differently! For many couples, financial issues run deeper than just dollars and cents. Money can symbolise many things, and is often a reflection of a set of needs or values - safety, fun, security, freedom, or even self-worth. When partners don’t see eye to eye about finances, it’s easy for misunderstandings to snowball into resentment or power struggles. For example, if one partner grew up in a family that struggled with money while the other was raised with abundance, naturally their emotional reactions to spending and saving might differ in ways they don’t fully understand themselves. Marriage counselling helps unpack these underlying beliefs. By creating a safe and structured space, it allows both partners to express their concerns and hear each other without blame or defensiveness.
Common Financial Tensions Couples Face
Marriage counselling often reveals that couples aren’t alone in their struggles. Some of the most common money-related tensions include:
Differences in spending or saving habits
One partner earning more than the other
Hidden debt or financial infidelity
Disagreements about major purchases
Budgeting stress during big life transitions (e.g. having a baby, buying a home)
Anxiety about future financial goals or retirement
How Marriage Counselling Can Help
Counselling doesn’t offer a one-size-fits-all solution to financial stress — and that’s actually its strength. Rather than handing couples a generic budget or financial template, marriage counselling meets each partnership where it’s at. It gives couples something arguably even more essential than financial advice: a way forward together.
Money troubles are rarely just about money. They’re about what money represents — security, freedom, control, success, love, fear, or even shame. A skilled marriage counsellor can help couples uncover and address these deeper emotional undercurrents that shape how they earn, spend, and save.
Here’s how marriage counselling helps couples take on financial stress from the inside out:
Identify and unpack emotional associations with money. One partner may view money as security due to a financially unstable upbringing, while the other sees it as a source of freedom and spontaneity. Understanding these emotional histories reduces the blame and defensiveness that often fuel financial conflict.
Learn how to talk about money without triggering a fight. A 2023 report from Relationships Australia found that money is one of the top three causes of relationship conflict, alongside communication issues and time pressures. Counselling helps couples replace cycles of avoidance or escalation with respectful, calm, and honest money conversations.
Understand each other’s values, priorities, and goals. Are you saving for a home, or hoping to travel? Is stability the goal, or growth? Counselling helps couples align on a shared financial vision, even if their personal money styles differ.
Develop practical, joint strategies. Whether it's agreeing on spending thresholds, creating a debt-repayment plan, or setting aside time for regular financial check-ins, counselling supports couples to build habits that reinforce teamwork.
Rebuild trust after secrecy or financial betrayal. Financial infidelity is more common than many think. According to a 2022 study by Finder, around 1 in 4 Australians have kept financial secrets from their partner, including hidden purchases, debts, or accounts. Marriage counselling offers a safe space to acknowledge breaches, understand the “why” behind them, and begin the slow but vital work of trust repair.
Even if a couple still needs the expertise of a financial adviser or accountant to create specific money plans, marriage counselling ensures the emotional foundation is strong enough to carry those plans through. Think of it like this: a sound financial strategy can solve technical problems, but counselling helps couples to resolve the relational and emotional ones that can otherwise derail even the best advice.
When to Seek Help
You don’t need to wait for a financial crisis to consider marriage counselling. If you find yourselves having the same arguments about money, avoiding important conversations, or feeling distant and misunderstood, it may be time to talk with a therapist. Early support can prevent issues from becoming entrenched, and help your relationship grow stronger through the process.
Why Choose Lighthouse Relationships
At Lighthouse Relationships, we understand how finances can affect connection, trust, and intimacy. Our experienced marriage counsellors work with couples across Brisbane to address not just the surface-level money arguments, but the deeper relationship dynamics that drive them. We also offer online sessions for couples juggling work, parenting, or distance - because when it comes to love and money, communication is everything.