Conflict Resolution
Marriage Counselling - New Farm, Brisbane
Feel Understood by Your Partner
Conflict can be a good sign, if done well - clearly, kindly, and without causing ‘collateral damage’ by being delivered in a problematic way. In relationships, conflict resolution is a necessary and ongoing process that occurs as two people live, change and grow together. It is important to learn the skills to resolve conflict in a way that leaves both partners feeling understood and appreciated. Fortunately, these skills involve proven strategies which we can help you both to use in your own relationship.
In most relationships, each person has different communication needs and styles. While communication will never be perfect, every couple has the potential to improve and grow in how they get their message through to one another. Healthy communication requires time, practice and some hard work, but progress is possible.
Signs you may need support:
More couples than ever are seeking relationship counselling or marriage therapy to learn how to resolve conflict. Conflict resolution strategies are learnable skills and processes that can bring clarity and comfort to couples who are struggling. Here are some signs that you and your partner may benefit from learning some quality communication skills:
Loneliness or Disconnection – at times, you or your partner may feel that the connection that was once in your relationship is slipping away. There are many reasons that this feeling can occur, including feeling unheard, under appreciated, lonely, and misunderstood.
Passive Aggressive Behaviour – this kind of communication can appear calm on the outside, but with a ‘barbed message’ inside - which is actually a symptom of resentment or contempt. The resentful or contemptuous delivery of the communication then serves to increase feelings of distance - meaning the message itself is lost.
Increased Arguments – conflict in relationships is normal and healthy, if it is dealt with respectfully. If arguments are increasing or cannot seem to be resolved, it may be time for some professional support.
Unhealthy Habits – often when we are frustrated or stressed, we can resort to some particularly unhealthy communication habits, whether covert such as the passive aggressive behaviour listed above, or overt, such as yelling, name-calling or swearing. These habits are not helpful in resolving conflict, as they can often cause our partner to shut down emotionally. Rest assured, there are healthy communication habits that can be learned.
How Can Couples Counselling Help?
Whilst couples often feel they do not have the time for couples counselling, couples therapy actually saves time in the medium to long term. The reality is that clear, effective intervention and involvement in marriage counselling / couples therapy can save months and years of unsatisfactorily resolved issues. By slowing down and learning skills for good communication, couples can resolve conflict in a way that helps honour the needs of both members of the couple relationship.
Resolving issues early can be helpful. To provide flexibility and support to couples navigating couples conflict, we offer face-to-face and zoom / telehealth appointments during and after business hours.
Relationship counselling can help you in navigating expectations for the future, increasing appreciation and rebuilding intimacy. When counselling couples, we assess each person’s needs and use an appropriate selection of the treatments below:
· Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a research-supported approach that includes a detailed assessment of the couple’s relationship. It includes interventions based on the ‘Sound Relationship House’ Theory. The aims of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to build quality verbal communication, develop healthy conflict styles, further increase intimacy, respect, and affection and build empathy.
· Managing Flooding a key component of both Gottman Method Couples Therapy - and other therapies - is the ability to ‘self-soothe’. That is, to become aware of when things are unhelpfully overwhelming and tense, and to take a moment to ‘take the pressure down’ through flood management strategies. These strategies can also help train the mind in directing your attention towards those things you want to focus on and can help with feelings of being ‘stuck’ during conflict.
· Solution Focused Therapy helps you to identify goals that are meaningful to you both, measure where you or your relationship currently sits in relation to those goals and identify a range of options to help you navigate the gap together.
· Prepare/Enrich is a strengths-based approach, which includes a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationships to identify specific strength and development areas. It integrates research-based interventions and exercises that teach communication and conflict resolution skills. This approach is very useful for couples who are in the early stages of their relationship (e.g. 0-5 years).
· Psychoeducation is, in a nutshell, the process of learning about and understanding mental health, wellbeing and relationships. It is in some ways similar to physical education, where an individual learns about how their body experiences and reacts to different stressors - but instead the education is applied to learning the facts about how relationships work.
For some tips around how to manage conflict healthily, consider watching our quick 5 minute video: How can you avoid Relationship Apocalypse?
Book an appointment or give us a call
We are available from 8am in the morning until 8.30pm in the evening on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays - as well as 8am to 5.30pm on Wednesdays and Fridays.
Lighthouse Relationships serves clients based in and around New Farm, Kangaroo Point, Fortitude Valley, East Brisbane, Teneriffe, and Brisbane city. We’re also just a short trip by car or public transport from West End, Bowen Hills, Albion, Herston, Spring Hill, Petrie Terrace, Highgate Hill, Kelvin Grove, Norman Park, Hawthorne, Wooloowin, Wilston, Windsor, Nundah, Clayfield and Balmoral - and we are also available for Telehealth or zoom sessions from anywhere around the world. Free street parking is available at all times of day, and the New Farm office is 300 metres from the local New Farm ferry terminal, or directly over the road from the nearest Brisbane City bus stop.